| whoopsie
im actually feeling quite nostalgic now haha
so typical
but its the kind of nostalgia that makes me look at old photos and think things like, damn look at how good things were i bet i didnt even know
haha so basically,
i need to appreciate things that happen in the moment theyre happening instead of always looking back to realize it
ok i know that pretty soon, like tomorrow, im gunna have to enter back into reality and go to classes and stuff but i feel like i could just soak in this bliss of appreciation |
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| one day i'll take art classes to paint and draw and it wont be to graduate itll just be to express myself or whatever and make beautiful interesting things.
yeah, i was looking at the facebook of this girls art, who is also named marlayna.. wtf.. haha i think that makes me compare myself more to her stuff. i think there is definitely something to be said for getting your hands dirty in art. i love my art, i love photography, but i kinda wish i had the time or the motivation to create masterpieces out of pencil, charchoal, pastel, whatever, paint, clay. yeah i want to take some fun classes to just make things for myself. one day ill have that kind of time right? the same old same old battle.. should i be asking more of myself? or should i be content with what makes me happy? if i want to own a shop and sell interesting artist things from furniture to photographs and if that makes me happy then i should be happy like that. and i will be. i just have to do interesting things to be happy.
it doesnt even have to be crazy shit either lol
im content just hanging out you know? and even though im not 'sad' per se it is much quieter and emptier when you leave, it makes me appreciate you being here even if nothing ridiculous went down.
i think maybe sometimes i get too caught up in things that arent happening 'now.' like the past, and then the future. but its ok because there are strings to pull me back to reality when i need them i guess?
ive just wanted to make a xanga entry though i dont think i have for a while and it feels nice sometimes. writings not my forte but its a nice way to translate whats in my head to.. back to my head? out to the internet..
but what i was saying really is that i know things are going to be good, and i have to try to let the future be vague, because thats how the future should be - not knowing is half the fun or something
oh and by the way the new fine frenzy album is absolutely fantastic and is just making me even more content than i thought i already was.
laalala
anyway, i hope im not jinxing anything by verbalizing my contentment, but there it is =] |
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| damnit
why was i 15?
that seems insignificant and young now.
i was 15 and immature and trying to keep myself together by still laughing at things and still cracking jokes with my 'friends'
or something.
but holy shit
i shouldnt have been like that
i couldve done a lot different i guess but anyway this is where i am now and you never know how things can change.
im not sure why its hitting me so hard right now but i just keep thinking of things, and little glimpses or pieces of events and thinking how sad the whole thing was
and maybe im somehow subconsciously trying to make up for my lack of appropriate reaction then. thats not entirely true i guess but why did i still try to act like things were fine online.
this is where i would put some conclusive line that summed up life or time or something but i just dont have it. |
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| hi there,
my name is marlayna and sometimes i react so poorly to day-to-day situations that i hate myself.
kthx |
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| i am the perfect consumer.
which really isnt a compliment to myself but
i just start getting so excited when i see all the beads and everything lined up in pretty colors and styles
ack im such a sucker for good marketing |
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